Today's choices from Helen...
Just when we were thinking that we would have to revert back to home deliveries via the stork; the NHS has finally got itself in the good books by announcing it's to hire 4,000 new midwives. It is also offering Ã‚Â£3k 'golden hello' deals in attempt to lure back former mid wives who previously had enough of birth control. This is a huge relief for the rocketing number of buns in the oven whose debut appearances will now be in safe hands. Happy days.
Bad press for tortoises today after they were branded fire starters thanks to 70yr old Fred from Bracknell Berks. The little critter wasted no time at all (so much for their slow progress) in showing off her (yes her....Fred...clearly an identity crisis) scouting skills by piling up a camp fire of straw under the heat lamp of her cage. This sparked some fiesty flames which spread through the house reducing it to a burnt-out shell. Luckily a nosey neighbour noticed; called the fire brigade and no one was harmed. Lets just hope poor Fred isn't shell shocked.
'Fred very nearly had one foot in the grave'